My Thoughts on Meditation...Thus Far

I've gone to two meditation classes now. I arrived the first week not really knowing what to expect, but I was really shocked to find that there were only two other participants. They both had been working with the instructor for almost a year, and seemed very comfortable with the whole thing. I was nervous, and started asking a bunch of questions about technique. My personality is such, that in situations like this I assume there is a right way to do something and I need to know how to do it, so I can practice and get it right. What I'm realizing, about meditation, is there is no one way to go about it. The experience is different for everyone, and it wouldn't work any other way. This, in itself, is an obstacle that I'm having to overcome.

The first class went really well. After the half an hour,(I really thought it had only been 10 minutes.), I felt almost high. Really, really good...like nothing could faze me, and I could accomplish anything. It went away after a bit, but the feeling of calmness remained. I was really excited to go back the next week.

But by the time class rolled around again, I was having a really tough week to begin with, my mind was just not ready. I brought to much mental crap into it with me. I couldn't silence my thoughts. And I kept getting frustrated for not letting go... for just half an hour. I was struggling with myself the whole time, and when the half hour was up, this time, I felt drained and disappointed.

Later, I forgave myself, and decided I would go again next time and give it another shot. I'm hoping, with time and practice, I can learn what works for me, and what can make my time in meditation really fulfilling.